My dear son,
There is love I carry for you that has never found a place to rest, and I’m giving it space here — not because something went wrong, but because it has always been real.
I want you to know, even if you never hear this, that my love for you was never conditional on time, place, or circumstance. I wanted you close because you are my child, and that wanting never disappeared — it simply learned how to wait.
There were moments when life was complicated, and choices were shaped by fear, limits, and other people’s decisions. In those moments, my love may not have looked the way I wish it had. But it was never absent. It never weakened. It never turned away from you.
If you ever questioned whether you mattered to me, I want to lay that question down gently now. You mattered then. You matter now. You always will. Nothing about distance, silence, or time has changed that truth.
I don’t know who you are becoming, and I’m learning to live with that not-knowing — even when it aches. I hope you are safe. I hope you are growing into yourself. I hope you feel moments of peace and strength, even on days that are hard.
I am still here. Not waiting in a way that demands anything from you — just here, steady and open. My love did not end when things became quiet. It didn’t fade when I couldn’t reach you. It learned patience.
Whatever you feel toward me is allowed. You do not owe me understanding, forgiveness, or closeness. I only hope that someday, in your own time, you may sense that my love was always present — even when it was imperfectly expressed.
I love you.
That has never been tied to a moment or a memory.
It simply is.
Mom